An Ardent Heart

The Hungry Dudes: Reblog Contest: Win a White Castle Candle

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 12:32:18 -0800

The Hungry Dudes: Reblog Contest: Win a White Castle Candle:

So here’s what happened. My wife Angela loves candles and I bought her a rare White Castle candle for her birthday. I had to visit 3 White Castles in the Detroit area just to find it.

The candle smells like a burger. The outside is ceramic in the likeness of a White Castle hamburger box.

Turns…

More thoughts on Glee's Faith

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 17:58:00 -0700

Fin ate a week old cheese sandwich that had been taken into a locker room. If you can get past this disturbing thought, the beauty of him eating his Grilled Cheeus is wonderful. He discovers that God doesn’t work the way he thought, that the Big Questions are big for a reason, but he didn’t throw away the sandwich. It was a sandwich, and the purpose of a sandwich is to be eaten, to nourish the body. But this sandwich represented more than that to him. Ultimately, he didn’t discard that personal revelation that came into his life and forced him to face the Big Questions, but rather took it into himself and allowed it to nourish him. Perhaps it’ll grow into something more.

Glee's Faith

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 16:18:01 -0700

Glad to see a diverse sampling of religiosity displayed. The childlike, God of the gaps faith of Finn, the cultural faith of Rachel, the depth of Puck and Mercedes, the rational atheist in Kurt, and the broken atheist in Coach Sylvester.

Glad that they didn’t skewer any of them except the extremely facile faith of Finn, and that there were no conversions to anything. I think theism and atheism were both dealt with respectfully and knowledgeably, which I’d hope for given the writing staff.

The songs weren’t the strongest, but very appropriate, even though it felt weird having Rachel singing to Kurt’s dad.

I wish they’d have a Kurt episode where he doesn’t cry, though. I also wish they’d better use Quinn in episodes that seem quite natural for her (re: Home, Faith).

I like these episodes much better than the theme episodes, where they try to construct a plot around a guest star or a song.

Detroit 187 (there's a lot of country between the coasts)

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:07:54 -0700

It’s an okay show. Not remarkable, not terrible. I like that it tries to captures the feel of Detroit. I like the soundtrack, though it was better in the pilot. What I don’t like? The influence of Hollywood forcing California on everything.

1. 187 is not the homicide code in Michigan. I guess it’s become synonymous with homicide, so if we’re expecting it to be a story completely set aside from reality, kudos.

2. Michigan doesn’t have the death penalty. Why the fuck would the prosecutor push for the death penalty? Oh, way, he wouldn’t, because the most severe sentence in Michigan is natural life.

Things I'm thankful for...

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 15:24:29 -0700

Apples. Beautiful fruits with a wonderful crunch, enough acid not to be cloyingly sweet, but sweet nonetheless. Wonderful size, shape, edible skin. Apples are the perfect fruit.

That dinger in my car that tells me I left my lights on. Without it, I’d have to jump my car at least weekly. I know; I did this in high school when I drove a car that didn’t have that dinger.

Wool socks. They’re so comfy.

Mosques and Qur'an burnings and Eucharist defiling

Thu, 09 Sep 2010 17:02:53 -0700

Just some thoughts on all this ecumenical drama:

1. It is within the rights of the Cordoba house to build on the property that they’ve been approved for. The furor didn’t flair up until a year+ after they got permission. I perceive this as the rest of the country being knee-jerk patriotic and yes, anti-muslim.

2. It is with the rights of Pastor Jones to burn the Qur’an. It may not be the brightest move (it isn’t), but there is no law prohibiting him from doing so, just as there is no law preventing Phelps from protesting every screening of the Laramie Project.

I remember a few years back when PZ Myers decided to get people to send him consecrated hosts for the expressed purpose of defiling them. When I expressed sadness and anger over this, it was met with derision by pretty much everyone. They viewed it as a stupid symbol that Catholics get too worked up over. There was no collective moral outrage beyond Bill Donaghue (I hate to side with him on anything, but just this once…) and Co. So, why is it okay to organize a campaign to defile that which is most sacred to Catholics, but doing the equivalent thing to Muslims is met with worldwide, ecumenical outrage?

I’m not bitter, and I’m not asking for tit for tat. I don’t think that this, now called-off, burning should happen, or should’ve been proposed, and I don’t wish that that Muslim community goes through what Catholics went through with the Eucharist debacle. But I would like to know why the response is so different.

Religion in two Americas

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 02:29:23 -0700

Religion in two Americas:

A good read that emphasizes the two aspects of the debate concerning the Islamic center near Ground Zero and many other religious issues.

“There’s an America where it doesn’t matter what language you speak, what god you worship, or how deep your New World roots run. An America where allegiance to the Constitution trumps ethnic differences, language barriers and religious divides.

[…]

But there’s another America as well, one that understands itself as a distinctive culture, rather than just a set of political propositions”

Fractured thoughts on the Assumption.

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 20:39:00 -0700

Humans are body and spirit; divorcing the two is denying part of the human experience. If I understand correctly, this is also one of the gnostic ideas rejected by orthodox Christianity, though it seems to have resurfaced in some modern Protestant churches.

The Assumption is an old idea, only recently pronounced an infallible doctrine, is an old idea. The idea, at least in my understanding, is that Mary, upon the end of this life, immediately received the fullness of Jesus’ promise of the afterlife.

I sort of like the Orthodox understanding; natural death and fulfillment of an eternal reward. If I recall correctly, Catholicism leaves open the question of whether she actually died; I prefer to think that she did. Otherwise it really doesn’t make any sense for me; it becomes hardened in a way that myths aren’t supposed to be hardened.

Also in the Orthodox teaching is the name: the Dormition of Mary. The going to sleep of Mary. The power of death is broken; she is not dead, but asleep to this world and awoken in another. And this notion is very nice for the rest of humanity, because unlike her God/Man son, she was all human, as we are. If that’s her end, we can hope that ours will be the same.

I love it when Catholics...

Sun, 15 Aug 2010 23:23:46 -0700

…forget which pew they were in on their way back from communion. I really do find this adorable and endearing.

Anger

Fri, 06 Aug 2010 18:15:14 -0700

Angry at “safe” christianity. Too sterile. Angry at christian art made for the purpose of making christian art, rather than art made out of joy or exaltation of the human spirit.

Angry at advertising. Just trying to convince us that our life isn’t complete if we don’t have the right whitening product for our teeth, or if we don’t have the right car.

Can’t talk someone into Christianity. Can show how much more easily. Angry at people who try, who treat others as conversion projects.

Angry at across the board uneveness in handling various sins. Nun excommunicated for recommending termination of a pregnancy to preserve the life of the mother, priests kept in active ministry despite knowledge of abuse.

Belief v. Faith. Belief v. Faith. Belief is intellectual assent to propositions. Faith is trust in the goodness of God. Faith isn’t faith if nothing proceeds from it.

"God doesn't see this island."

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:00:00 -0700

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I love Lost. I think it’s a brilliant show, and it had some wonderful religious and spiritual moments. My favorite Lost character is Ben Linus. He lies, he probably hs more blood on his hands than any other Lost character, and he possibly only cares about himself and Alex. But he’s fascinating.

In the Lost world, there are men of science and men of faith. Ben falls into the man of faith category, though his actions don’t necessarily agree with this.

Something that I puzzled over was whether or not Ben believes in God. He told Locke that God doesn’t see the island, and later told Jack that a spinal surgeon falling out of the sky two days after he discovered he had a fatal spinal tumor was as good of proof of God as any. So, does Ben believe in God?

I’m not sure. Maybe he believes Jacob is God. Jacob brings people (including Jack, the spinal surgeon) to the island, and he definitely has a laissez faire attitude to governing the island. Perhaps he believes in Jacob but lacks faith in him.

But the nature of Ben’s God is a tangent. What matters is Ben’s belief that God doesn’t see the island.

When Ben responds to Locke that God doesn’t see the island, it is with conflicted emotions. He is simultaneously mournful, angry, and liberated because of his belief that God has forsaken him. He is mournful because, well, who wouldn’t be mournful about being forsaken by God. He is angry for the same reason he is angry at Jacob later; how dare you insinuate that I’m not important enough for your consideration? And he is somewhat liberated, because if there is no God watching him then there is no external source of morality judging his behavior. And because of that, the islands, both Ben and the actual island, are areas where anything goes.

Dress code

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 09:00:00 -0700

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Immodest or revealing clothing is never acceptable. This includes, for women, clothing that bares midriffs or cleavage; dresses, skirts, or pants with a hemline above the knee; and sleeveless tops. This includes, for men, shorts, sweats, lowriding pants, and tank tops.

As I’ve mentioned, I go to two churches as time and preference allows, but I check both bulletins weekly in case there’s something to ensure I catch or want to avoid.

This week, I came across an ettiquette section in one of them. There were general admonishments about being late, letting children scream, and eating in church (who, above the one cheerio at a time age, would think of eating in church?). Generally, I agree that people should be quiet and respectful and punctual for church; it really bugs me when people stroll in sometime mid homily. But I didn’t appreciate the patronizing tone of the blurb in the bulletin. What I’m very conflicted about is the blurb about clothing. First of all, current Catholic school skirt length is a coke can distance between the hemline and the ground when kneeling, which is significantly shorter than knee-length hems specified here. So, this church is stating that it is improper for their parishoners to wear their skirts at regulation uniform length. Second, they’re having enough trouble getting people into churches lately, perhaps being less focused on nitpicky details might endear them to people who actually care about social justice and people, rather than the letter of the law. Third, I dress very modestly, and there are sleevless tops that I wear that are modest. I’ve worn it to that church before, and no one batted an eye.

Yes, I’m bitter. It’s typically an older parish, though there are always families with children when I go, no matter which mass I go to (though I haven’t been to the 7am one). Is it old people complaining about those damned kids with their fashions that they don’t approve of? I’m also conflicted, because I generally think these are guidelines people should adhere to. But there’s a conflict between Roman notions of law and western notions of law; the Roman notion defines the pinnacle to which we should aspire, the wester notion defines the lowest bar which we must all meet. The first line in the bulletin blurb says that they welcome all people, but then they go on to say that certain clothes are never acceptable. So, are people welcomed, but not acceptable? Perhaps this is just another example of dos cruces. Both notions are needed; the strict adherence to laws and prohibitions, and a catholic notion of come as you are.

Canine Communion

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 13:12:58 -0700

Canine Communion:

I appreciate the sentiment, but this is really just not appropriate (but quite funny).

Dos cruces

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:56:28 -0700

I’ve been thinking about both crosses.

As might be expected by an awkward, self-loathing Catholic, I haven’t picked a church. Maybe I need more than just one can provide. I like both pretty well, and alternate between the two. Both churches have large crucifixes prominently displayed.

One church has a wooden crucifix, with a dark, rough wood forming the cross, and a lighter, brighter wood comprising the corpus. Jesus is hanging and suffering, but he is not defeated; his head is up in acceptance and triumph. He looks more human than divine.

The other church has a ceramic crucifix; it emulates a stone carving. It is smoother and colder than the wooden crucifix. The corpus on this cross, appropriately, is stiffer; harder and rigid, with just a slight softness in one arm that is slightly bent at the elbow. He looks more divine than human.

In the first church, the crucifix is forward and to the left. There is a ramp that winds around that side of the church in case someone needs to avoid the steps leading to the elevated area on which the altar stands, and probably has a name, but I don’t know it. But this ramp needs handrails on both sides, so on the side away from the wall on which the crucifix hangs, there is a half wall; maybe four feet high, and wide enough to place things, such as floral arrangements.

Being the creature of habit that I am, I always sit in the same place when I go to church. My position aligns whatever’s on the half wall in front of the crucifix with the crucifix. It depends on the season, but this church invariably has a floral arrangement sitting there, which yields the wonderful effect of making it appear as though the crucifix is blossoming out of the leaves. Right now it is just something green and leafy, but it is so very appropriate, as 1. it’s ordinary time and the church is dressed in green, and 2. this is the time for faith to grow and be sustained. We’re not meditating on birth or death, but on life and living, on Jesus’ doings while he was adult and not being murdered. During the Easter season, Easter lilies were in front of it, and the delicate whiteness of the flowers reminded me of the paschal sacrifice and forgiveness and absolution, and new life. To me, this is a simple retelling of an old story. We came to know duality; good and evil, male and female, life and death, human and God, through the fruit of the tree of Knowledge, but there was another tree, the tree of Life. This tree of Life is forever blossoming out of the plants of the season and of the area. The promise of Life is everywhere and always, and soft and rough, dark and light, and human and suffering and passionate.

The other crucifix is cold and absolute and eternal. It is less human, more abstract. It represents that nothing will affect this action borne of love; it is pure and perfect and immutable. The church in which it resides is a modern, cold building; mostly cement and some glass, and with ceramic fixtures, there is little in it that seems warm or organic. It is a tomb, but an empty tomb. It is where we can come face to face with the incarnation and divine sacrifice and love, but it is not where we are to dwell. The crucifix is an aberration on the unadorned concrete wall; its presence reminds us of why we’re there, but neither it nor we belong in the tomb.

I prefer the first crucifix, but I understand and appreciate that it cannot represent all aspects of the Incarnation or God or even that event, and that is why the second crucifix is valuable, too. Too often, I find myself falling victim to an either/or mentality with regard to religion. Should it be high and ornate, or low and familiar? Should it focus on finding God within or without? But either/or is a false dichotomy. Both are needed and both are correct. It is my responsibility to recognize the merits of all options and realize that no one option can wholly encompass the needs of faith or the people or the nature of God or any of those other big questions. So, until everyone is unified in one great mind and we are all able to cry, “Hosanna, you were right, O Lord,” I’ll be thinking about both crosses.

Love

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 00:11:12 -0700

“I spent some time kind looking back at some of my journals, and I came across this passage that was like from sixth grade or something, and I found this passage where I had written something which didn’t seem to make any sense like it didn’t have anything to do with what I’d been writing about and like most of the stuff I write kinda dies in childbirth, like never quite makes it all the way out… but I had written, for some reason, I had written about this time when my mom and I were at Wendy’s for lunch and there was this old man sitting by himself just drinking a coffee and eating like just a plain hamburger, like one of the 69 cent ones with just a coffee — and I just… I felt so bad for him, or like didn’t feel bad, really, I just kinda felt for him, I wanted to like be with him, I just wanted to sit there and keep him company, and my mom and I sat there and ate and she was talking and the whole time I just like wanted to go over and sit with him, this old man I didn’t even know just sitting there alone, eating a 69 cent hamburger by himself in the middle of the day… And there was like no way he could ever know that, you know? Like there was no way he could ever guess that. That I felt that way. And like I thought to myself: just as I secretly love this old man who I don’t know sitting across the restaurant from me and there’s no way he would ever know, like I believed there could be something, like, way across the cosmos, unbeknownst to everyone, just, like, loving us. And there’s no way we could ever know it. It would just be there. And it was like this weird, incredible gift. And I think I’ve stopped even like needing that love for myself; it was enough to just stand near it and watch it and know it exists. And I think it makes the rest… I don’t know. I think it makes everything else pretty easy.”

From http://www.bustedhalo.com/features/raking-leaves-racked-with-skepticism

Dark night for the soul

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 12:18:00 -0700

Faith has been hard for me lately. Not that it’s ever easy; it’s a struggle day to day, but it’s been worse for the past couple of months. I haven’t been able to find the quiet and stillness that sustains my faith. Prayer has been hard. Even just getting myself to church every week has been hard (and I did miss a week).

Somehow, going to the candlelit mass helps. The church has a few lights on low so people won’t trip over each other or pews, and there are many candles illuminating the altar, the presider’s chair, an icon of Mary, and so forth. And the church is oddly shaped, so there are corners that are certainly darker than others. Somehow, being in this dark, anonymous environment helps me pray.

I went early and knelt to pray. It took about 10 minutes, but I started to find that still place. Despite the fact that the audio was doing its crackle thing, and the priest was as absent-minded as he ever is, and the lectors were two of my least favorite, it worked. By the end of the homily, I’d found the stillness and peace and a love for all of creation again.

It is perhaps not coincidental that this works for me. I don’t go to this mass preferentially; I prefer Saturday evening, which is typically fairly low, quiet, and has that gorgeous 5:30 sunlight that makes everyone look golden. But this candlelight mass is the first mass I went to after deciding to return to the Church, and the first mass in many years at which I communicated. As I said, it’s not my favorite; a bit modern for my taste, and if I go to it too often, I get frustrated by the priests or the lectors (the lectors are generally pretty bad), but every now and then, it helps bring me back to where I need to be.

I can breathe again

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:03:12 -0700

Classes are over, papers are submitted, research is progressing, field work is done for now, and Lost has been mainlined in its entirety. It’s now time to resume my normal reading and relaxing in my downtime.

Yes, I mainlined Lost in about a month. I love the show and some of the characters are really great. I liked the ending, and I’m sure I’ll write about it later. Since I’ve been working out religious stuff here, I may as well address some of the religious issues the show has brought up.

Other than that, reading (and rereading) books: currently reading We, by Evgeny Zamyatin, which is pretty enjoyable. Possibly my favorite of the dystopian trilogy so far. At the end of Brothers Karamazov (halfway through the prosecutor’s speech), which will make this the third translation (Garnett, MacAndrew, Pevear Volokhonsky), and the fifth cover-to-cover reading. Read one of Graham Greene’s lesser works, which is similar to other such works; set in a not-European locale, with a Christ-haunted (bad) Catholic protagonist.

And in other news: still miffed about USA being robbed of a goal against Slovenia. Catching as many games as I can, when I can. Very happy the Hawks won the cup. Grats Chicago, enjoy it; it’s been too long since you last had it. Just remember, that trophy’s a bitch to defend.

Post-flurry lull

Thu, 13 May 2010 16:11:47 -0700

I was looking forward to writing after I got my projects done and after the family to-do was over, and now that I can breathe, I have no motivation to write. Maybe tomorrow.

daveholmes: The kids are ripping into sugar packets.Townies...

Tue, 04 May 2010 18:02:39 -0700

daveholmes:

The kids are ripping into sugar packets.
Townies taking off their tavern jackets.
I’m in the pews sticking bills in the basket,
praying that they’re cool when I come pick up the package.

Tonight we’re gonna have a really good time
but I want to go to heaven on the day I die.
Going to make like a preemptive strike.
Hit the 5:30 Mass early Saturday night.

Ring ring ring goes the telephone.
Tell my little lambs that I’m on my way home.
Stop by the shop and get a bottle to go,
and maybe something stronger if the right guy’s on the corner.

Bang bang bang go the quarter notes.
Saint Theresa told me we should rattle our bones.
Now you’re going off to the dial tone.
Some kid started blowing on a saxophone.

Cheerleaders dream of quarterbacks.
Jock Jills go for jumping Jacks.
Goth girls go to vampire bats.
They want to draw a little blood for their bath.

Well I don’t go much for that spooky stuff.
I like the lights and the uptempo tracks.
You’re damn right I believe in love,
because I’ve been in love and I’ve loved right back.

Bang bang bang goes the backing track.
Some kid is coming round with the magic backpack.
I didn’t know you could dance like that.
I’m gonna have to ask that you take two steps back.

Sing sing sing every song we know.
Blowing out the speakers on your stereo.
You finally stopped talking bout that boy back home.
Maybe that’s just better.

If you want you can sleep over.

We’re good guys but we can’t be good every night.
We’re good guys but we can’t be good our whole lives.
We’re good guys but we can’t be good every night.
Father I have sinned. And I want to do it all again tonight.

The townies taking off their tavern jackets,
making guitars out of tennis rackets.
It’s been getting so the hardest part
is trying to talk some sense into our sparkling hearts.

Ring ring ring goes the telephone.
Tell my little lambs that I ain’t comin home.
Yes yes yes go the majorettes.
They lead the band onto the field with their cigarettes.

Bang bang bang she’s a cleaning freak.
She scrubs the surface till it’s sparkling.
Neat neat neat till her fingers bleed.
She was giving off blue light on the first night that she came to me.

We’re good guys but we can’t be good every night.
We’re good guys but we can’t be good our whole lives.
We’re good guys but we can’t be good every night.
We’re good guys but we can’t be good our whole lives.

She was giving off blue light on the first night that she came to me.

Father I have sinned and I want to do it all again eventually.

“Our Whole Lives” The Hold Steady

Possibly my favorite track on the new album. And I do actually hit the 5:30 mass early saturday night, which makes me extra uncool, since I take music suggestions from NPR, too.

The Hounds of Heaven

Mon, 03 May 2010 12:45:11 -0700

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/379/Return-To-The-Scene-Of-The-Crime

Dan Savage on the Catholic Church, belief, faith, and his mother.

Starts at about 38 minute mark.

I understand where he’s at. Not entirely, of course; my mother is still alive, and it wasn’t death that drove me back. I’m still not entirely sure what drove me back. But I understand the pull of Catholicism. I was tempted by Catholicism for years, but underneath it all, I didn’t believe in the resurrection, virgin birth, transubstantiation, or the existence of God. But I wanted to, and I thought that I was the sort of person who couldn’t.

Maybe I am the sort of person who can’t, but I’ve found some sort of balance. There’s cognitive dissonance, and I do have a problem with the hierarchy, but I wanted to return to the sacraments.

I can completely understand why GLBTs would have more conflict with the Church than I do; I completely support such issues, and the Church’s position on homosexuality is one of the biggest disagreements I have with it. Sure, I might not think that transubstantiation has the same meaning that Aquinas gave it, but there are published works of theology that align closely with my thoughts on it. Also, people aren’t shunned quite the way that GLBT Catholics are shunned. Would I be a practicing Catholic now if the Church preached that such an integral part of my being was wrong, and that I was never to enter into a loving, committed, monogamous relationship? I don’t know.

But I find it fascinating to hear from people on the edge of belief and faith. I’ve been there. I’m still there, and intellectually, my inner thoughts aren’t so different from Dan’s. I’ve said a few of those phrases exactly: “That can’t be right…” and “I can’t even fake this,” and “It’s like they’re trying to make Lutherans of us all” (Though I usually say Episcopalians).

It sucks to be in that conflicted state, where you want so desperately to believe and have faith, but it seems like an assault on reason. I wish I had something to say about how to move out of that position, but I still don’t know why I’m not there anymore, or it if was even my own doing that moved me from that position.

I wish him, and all of those stuck between wanting to believe and have faith, but seeing it as an assault on reason, the best.